A few years ago I found out I had to have a tooth extracted. No big deal, right? However, I was surprised by the intensity of my reaction. Most nights I find myself awake at 3am, tortured by thoughts of death. My poor old teeth raise concerns that as I age, my future will be like a diseased tree losing its limbs. Soon I will be old, old, weak, old and alone!
I mentioned these nightly worries to a friend, being careful to frame the topic with humor so that I didn’t come across as a hysterical person. He thought metaphysically, maybe I had manifested this dental trauma. I want to know, is he right? Is my tooth trauma caused by me not thinking positively?
Well, maybe (although I strongly suspect it has at least something to do with the bad dentist not putting the cap back on after the root canal). But even so, trying to insulate yourself from life’s difficulties seems to me rather hollow – like believing in a fake Santa Claus and groaning under the weight of unearned gifts. This full moon (January 3, 2026, 2:02 a.m. PST, 13°01′ Cancer) is conjunct optimistic Jupiter, The closest thing to Santa Claus in the solar system. But it opposes the Sun and is conjunct Mars, the planet of (sometimes rude) awakening—reminding us that in order to best enjoy life’s tenderest pleasures, we often must first face the gargoyles of pain and fear.
In the early hours of the morning, I faced all kinds of dental fears alone, I found something inside: compassion. I find that people are more compassionate to those who are dealing with pain, loneliness, and trouble than I am to myself. Pema Jodling calls it compassion “Awakening Heart” Similar to bodhicitta. Feeling our feelings, whether negative or positive, is a doorway into the complex hearts of others.
My poor teeth are long gone, but I still have a lot of worrying thoughts plaguing my morning mind. The truth is, modern times are tough. Many of us are afraid and angry because of fear. Where is the extended family caring for a dying aunt? How does a recent graduate pay off her student loans, or a 55-year-old woman who just got laid off find a new job?
This may sound weird, but every time my 3:00 AM self enters into this atmosphere of shared fear, pain, and despair—truly surrenders to it—I calmed down immediately. Suddenly, I was sharing the fear, pain, and despair of the world instead of just dealing with the chaos of my own loneliness. In those moments, I glimpsed another vision of Jupiter…not a clay figure Saint Nick with a bulging bag of toys, but a kind, accepting, luminous Buddha.
Sometimes we are blessed to meet these radiant, warm-hearted, Buddha-like souls in real life—a kind elder, a wise grandfather, a fun-loving friend who has never met a stranger—as healing as a cozy nap in front of a roaring fire. Interestingly, life never spares these people from hardship and fear. In fact, it is because they have faced life’s problems and retained hope that they assure us that we can do the same. “We all get older, we get weaker and scared,” their attitude suggests, “but as long as we help each other it’ll be okay. we just need to be there for each other“.
Maybe my friend was right that I attracted that sad, broken tooth into my life—not as punishment for negative thoughts, but as a gift of understanding. On this full moon, I hope you feel true joy, love, and peace. But if you find yourself in odd moments of sadness, regret, or loneliness, I wish you have the confidence to revive your stung heart. Feel everything you feel, even the negativity and fear. As our Moon Hearts open at the Full Moon in Cancer, let us open up and let them teach us, soften us, and bring us closer to each other. Our awakened hearts can gracefully and naturally draw us into the joyful light of the moon, allowing us to glow with the comfort, hope, and joy of our own Buddha nature.
Text and images © 2017-2025 by April Elliott Kent
